Saying no and Contacts
Anyone who says they don't have a type of some description, is lying. There's always something that pushes our buttons. If he likes hair and you don't have any, or if you go to the gym and he likes skinny guys, or if you're shorter than him and he likes taller guys - then it's just not going to work out. It's not your fault and it's not his fault, it's a fact of life and there's nothing you can do about it. Of course we're going to take it personally - we're human and no one likes to be told 'no', 'won't', 'can't' or 'fuck off'. This said, skulking around like a wounded animal isn't attractive to anyone. Nevertheless, some of us set ourselves up for failure, perhaps with an overbearing manner (and frightening the 'prey' witless), coming on too strong, or badgering some poor sod who has made it very clear that he's not interested. You need to look at what you're doing and this chapter should give you some clues as to what you maybe are doing wrong and suggest where you could improve. The more we cruise the more experienced we become... and the more likely we are to be successful. It can sometimes help just to talk to people and while you may go home alone you will not have not been alone for the evening. If you have been knocked back, there is always tomorrow.
How to make 'No!' nice
If you're not interested in a guy who's obviously got you in his sights it goes a long way to be polite when saying 'No'. OK, you may want tell the guy to stop bothering you or fuck off but imagine if the shoe was on the other foot, how would you feel? You should always aim to make a polite getaway. Speak firmly to make it clear that the conversation is over but - if you can - smile genuinely. This way no one is made to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. We've all been there so don't do it to others. If he won't go away and you've shown him every reasonable courtesy, then tell him to fuck off!
Contact / personal advertisements
Whether you're looking for friendship, a relationship or sex, contact or personal advertisements can deliver just about anything that appears in print. You'll find them in a wide range of magazines and papers although the gay press includes more explicit ads. It can be an exciting way to meet men and, in some cases, dispense with the niceties of cruising. For some, it provides opportunities to meet men who prefer not to use the scene or who don't have easy access to pubs and clubs. Answering ads is relatively simple and most papers and magazines operate a similar process:
- Find an ad you like and reply in writing. Advertisers often want a photograph and preferably not from a photo-booth at 9am on a Monday morning when you're hungover.
- Put the letter in an envelope with its box/reference number clearly marked on the outside.
- Post it to the advertiser care of the publication including a first class stamp (for each reply).
- Wait and hope.
If you're placing an ad, check out the costs and the terms and conditions first. Advertisements are usually charged by the word which is why they're short and why a dictionary of abbreviations has evolved:
Sexual practices are usually abbreviated similarly: corporal punishment - CP, sadomasochism - SM etc. or defined by hanky codes. If a guy is explicit about what he's looking for sexually then it's reasonable to assume he's being honest. Some ads are prone to gross exaggeration and dick size can often stray into fantasy world. By all means have the fantasy but you may be disappointed. When it comes to writing your own ad, phrases like 'genuine', 'seeks similar' and 'for good times, maybe more' are fine but just scan through the ads and they appear with unerring regularity. While phrases like 'would like to meet a guy who's DNA hasn't fallen off the back of a lorry' and 'you've tried the best... now I'm the rest' may not be your cup of tea - your eye does at least stop on the page. Think about what you're going to say and try to be original.